Family Matters

Sorry about not posting last week. I have been consumed with other matters.

Last Tuesday, doctors removed a large mass from my wife’s abdomen. It was purple, slimy, and seemed angry to be disturbed. We named it Zane. I’m happy to say that Zane pinked up quite nicely within several seconds after removal, and he was definitely less gross after a bath.

While my wife was on some serious pain medication recovering from her c-section, I decided, as a caring husband who is concerned about the quality of her healthcare, to test the effectiveness of the medications she was receiving by posing various questions to her, such as “Do you mind if I buy a pick-up truck?”

It turns out that the immediate post-op recovery period presents an excellent opportunity for husbands to get their wives’ approval on all kinds of critical family expenditures. Not only did she agree to a pick-up, but I also got her consent to a rider lawn tractor, a compound cross-cut miter saw, and something called an “Arctic Cat.”

I don’t know exactly what an Arctic Cat is, but I think it’s some kind of snowmobile. All I know for sure is, judging by the rear-window decals I see, Arctic Cat appears to be very popular with pick-up owners here in Grand Forks, North Dakota. Therefore, I figured, I should make sure to be able to get one, especially since I’m already getting the truck. I’ll need something to haul.

I should note that Arctic Cat’s popularity is not universal. One pick-up around town sports an apparently a new window decal depicting Calvin, of the Calvin & Hobbes cartoon strip, urinating on an Arctic Cat logo. This is remarkable for at least two reasons. First, it’s somewhat surprising that people are that passionate about their snowmobile brand preferences. Second, that whole Calvin-urinating-on-a-logo thing peaked when I was in high school.

Yikes.

America needs to find a new obnoxious window-decaling trend for our trucks. And that’s an issue you can be sure I will take up when I announce my write-in candidacy for president next week.

But, in the meantime, I should tell you that mother and baby are doing fine. Please e-mail me or post a comment to weigh in on whether I need a cup holder on my lawn tractor.

Comments

[Dan]

Eric,
congrats to you all on the new Zane blob!
all my best,
dan

[Betsy]

Congratulations to all!
And say what you will about those Calvin decals, they're still better than the cutesy stick figures that announce to the world how many members are in your family, and what their ages are. That said, I've never seen an of those decals on an Artic Cat.