The Olympics are now over, and it’s time to tally up the winners and losers.
Arguably the Games' most impressive story was Jamaican sprinter Usain Bolt, who became the greatest sprinter in history, winning three gold medals and setting world records with each one. Particularly stunning was Bolt’s performance in the 100 meters, where he got so far ahead of everyone else that, 20 meters from the finish, he slowed down, completed a moderate-difficulty sudoku, confirmed all his pending friend requests on Facebook, and then jogged lazily to the finish line.
And that brings us to the biggest loser of the games: Nike.
Usain Bolt accomplished all he did in sparkling metallic-gold Pumas. Yup, that wasn’t a typo: I’m talking about Puma-brand athletic shoes.
When I went to middle school, if you wore anything but Nikes, you had to be prepared to be locked in a janitorial closet from 5th period Friday through 2nd period Monday. It was humiliating. Plus, you missed “Knight Rider.”
My, how times have changed. Residents all over northwest Oregon must have heard the anguished screams of Nike executives every time Bolt effortlessly cruised to another victory. I love how Bolt rubbed it in by posing with the shoes for photographers.
Not only did Nike suffer that indignity, but, if you believe what you read on the athletic-apparel blogs (and who doesn't?), Nike was apparently ready to spend tens of millions of dollars to sign a deal with Michael Phelps. But they lost out. To Speedo.
And just to be clear about what we’re talking about: This is Nike trying to drop eight figures on an athlete who competes in a sport in which HE DOESN'T EVEN WEAR SHOES.
More than that, his very smiling presence on television seems to say, “If you want to get an awesome body like mine from your workout, then YOU SHOULDN'T WEAR SHOES EITHER.”
And Nike lost him to Speedo?
I’ve got to say, I feel like this is a fate Nike richly deserves. When I went to the Atlanta Olympics as a spectator in 1996, Nike had a billboard hovering right over Centennial Olympic Park, where it was visible to all the athletes and their parents, reading:
“You don’t win silver. You lose gold.”
Hmmm. Bet they won't be resurrecting that ad campaign anytime soon.
Photo, above: A willing pawn in the global marketing wars, an Agence France-Presse photographer lends larger-than-life perspective to Usain Bolt, as Bolt gives mad props to his shoes, which are not Nikes.
Nike-logo illustration: Special to the Backbencher.
NEXT WEEK IN THE BACKBENCHER ...
... I continue my tally of winners and losers at the XXIX Olympic Games, even though, by then, it will no longer be topical.
You are freakin' hilarious.
Posted by: Sarah | September 05, 2008 at 04:11 PM