I recently learned that cable-TV political pundit Rachel Maddow, who just started her own show on MSNBC, does not own a television.
While being interviewed on the Daily Show, and not particularly apropos of anything, she volunteered this information.
I'm sorry, but that is just evil.
You've probably noticed that if you ever meet a person who doesn't own a television, you'll find out that fact right away. Because they will tell you at the earliest opportunity.
YOU: Hi. It sure is cold today, isn't it?
THEM: I wouldn't know. I don't own a television.
YOU: Well, I was actually just talking about the weather ...
THEM: You see, I don't need a TV, because I read books. I've read so many books that I've already read everything written in English, French, and Proto-Brythonic Khwarezmian. Hey, can you recommend any titles in Yazgulami or Middle Khotanese?
YOU: Uh, well, I really don't ... umm – okay. Last night I was watching Battlestar Galactica, and they were talking alot about the Book of Pythia. I guess it's a pretty important book, although I'm not sure if it's supposed to actually exist or if they were just making that part up. Anyway, I think it might be written in some kind of ancient space-people symbols or something. Do you know what I'm talking about?
THEM: I wouldn't know. I don't own a television.
Let me put it this way: If you have a middle-class income and you don't own a television, let me know: I will put you on my personal no-fly list.
But if you actually host a television show and you still think you are too good to own a television, then, regrettably, I must put you on my AXIS OF EVIL.
Look, honestly, I feel bad putting Rachel Maddow on my AXIS OF EVIL. She seems like a really nice person. Here's an example. Recently, coming out of a commercial break on her show, she teased an upcoming segment by saying, "[We're going] to talk about one of my favorite subjects – infrastructure."
Now, when I here someone say something like that, I immediately feel a bond with them. Not only do I personally find infrastructure to be fascinating, but it's pretty clear that the only person who would make a remark like that is someone can't get past her glory days in high school debate. And I'm down with that. Hey, after all, I'm a law professor.
But not owning a TV? C'mon. Let's be clear about what this means. As far as Rachel Maddow is concerned, we are not talking about your average TV-abstainer, someone who's been camped out in a dank studio apartment for the better part of a decade writing a Ph.D. dissertation on medieval hermeneutics. Rachel Maddow seems aware of the real world, and she can clearly afford a TV. Also, I did some research, and I found out that she's got the space for one. Her personal website mentions that she has homes in New York City and Western Massachusetts. Go her. Folks, these facts are consistent with only one conclusion: Rachel Maddow regards television as so intellectually poisonous that she cannot allow even the most modest of small-screens into her abode. YET SHE WANTS US TO WATCH HER TELEVISION SHOW.
And not just any television show. A television show which PURPORTS TO EXPOSE THE DUPLICITOUS SHENANIGANS OF PUBLIC FIGURES.
I can't get behind that.
Rachel, I like you. Any friend of infrastructure is, at least potentially, a friend of mine. But buy a TV.
Not all television programming is mindless garbage. Don't you want to be able to watch live coverage of unfolding news? How about sports? What about Knight Rider? Did you see the episode where KITT battles KARR at Area 51 and KARR turns into a giant robot?!? That was AWESOME!!!
Until you can come down from crazy, Rachel, that sound you'll be hearing is me hitting the thumbs-down button on my TiVo.
Gong.
Gong.
Gong.
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