Menards home improvement store
(Photo by Huw Williams.)
My wife and kids are away. I've been staying busy and eating right. At Menards, I bought a movie-theater-sized box of Spree – it was only $1. I was excited about this, because previously, I'd only seen Spree come in comparatively small rolls.
Last night, watching television, I consumed the whole box - or at least everything that was in it save the few Spree I found on the floor this morning that must have missed my mouth.
Now I know: Spree should not be eaten in such a large quantity in such a small amount of time.
This morning, I woke up with much of my tongue apparently destroyed. I grabbed a Diet Coke only to discover, to my disgust, that it tasted like a diet beverage – you know, one from back in the 1970s, before the advent of modern scientific food additives. I can only conclude that all of my tonguebuds in charge of tasting leading-edge artificial sweeteners have now been wiped out.
I don't know how long it will be before I am able to properly perceive processed foods. It may be a while. Meanwhile, all I can feel over vast areas of my tongue is a slight tinkling pain sensation.
Clearly, while my family is away, I need to do a better job shopping for food at Menards.
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