We're in Plano, Texas, where Wal-Mart has opened a test/concept store: a luxury Wal-Mart. It is pretty much exactly the same as a regular Wal-Mart, except that they sell a couple of really expensive bottles of luxurious champagne, the store's exterior is accented in a luxurious shade of green (rather than the customary working-class blue) and the store's interior has been decked out with a luxurious woodgrain linoleum, which you can see in the picture below.
Hey, I just want to give a shout out to the spiteful person who declined to erase their spectacular blood pressure from the free test-your-blood-pressure machine. Good for you, buddy. I found this while I was looking for a jumbo pack of Rolaids chewable soft-gels. That's the actual truth. I hope while you were slinking away from the pharmacy, my screaming children were able to squeeze your cranial arteries into a pulsing, throbbing knot.
Speaking of ear-piercing screams, here's another item from the luxury Wal-Mart – on clearance for just $5, it's Baby's 1st Ear Piercer. This excellent product offers do-it-yourself convenience for parents who are in such a rush to body mod their newborns that they can't wait until Twizted Skullz Dezign Studio opens back up on Friday at 9 p.m.
Gold plated ball earrings are included. Sold separately is the Ear Care Antiseptic which the box encourages parents to buy "for the proper care and healing of newly pierced ears."
"Purchase a bottle today!" the box exhorts.
Perhaps this fine company will soon help out busy, budget conscious parents of newborn baby boys with a do-it-yourself circumcision kit.
Eric Hanson, in the Atlantic Monthly, has just released a list of ages and what people accomplished at that age. For instance, Spanky McFarland, of Our Gang, retired at age 13.